Chapter Nine ~ We're so Starving

It's been a bit of time since our last chapter. Well, that's ok, just blame the narrator!

Narrator: ...do you want me to tell you this story or not?

& & &

AWC meditated slightly to the left of the coffee table in her zen pagoda. It wasn't going well. She stroked her magical pet bunny, Lemony, for comfort purposes. Finally, she gave up and opened her eyes.

"What's your problem?" Lemony asked, scratching at an ear with one of his long furry feet.

"I have all these feelings," AWC frowned and shook her head to clear it. "And..."

"No one cares!" Lemony exclaimed. "You need to stop being glum."

"But the world... it's so filled with darkness..." AWC gripped Lemony on both of his sides and attempted to violently shake some sense into him.

"Oof! No! Fur! Lies!" He scratched and nipped in self defense. "You say that every time you watch Moulin Rouge again! When will you realize that idealism is truth and you should stick to watching childrens' films?"

"Gosh, Lemony, you're right." AWC put the poor shaken rabbit down on the floor. "I've got to get out of this pagoda and go do something fun."

Lemony quivered nervously, twitching his midgety nose. "You need to get off the depressed side of your bipolardom, that's what you need. Crazy half mad part rabbit anonymous fiction writer character. Why me? That's what I want to know. Why me?"

But AWC didn't stick around to hear the rest of the rabbit's lament. She was too busy putting on Jemima, her green stripety coat. It was chilly in the Heavenly Forest these days. "I'm going to go find Maryanne Maneater."

"Good luck," Lemony said. "And try not to come back!"

& & &

AWC was not pleased that she had remembered her coat, blue scarf, blue jeans, blue attitude, and raggedy gloves, but only realized she was barefoot once she had entered the center of the forestness. She was less pleased when a snow leopard spontaneously leapt onto the path in front of her, fangs bared in a snarl and eyes gleaming with intense wild catdom.

"Stop!" AWC cried, blocking her eyes with her arm. "That glare is way too intense!"

"Oh, do you need me to tone it down a little?"

"Yes, please if you don't mind, just a smidge!"

"Got it. Is this better?"

"Why yes that's lovely."

The snow leopard and AWC both stood on the trail smiling pleasantly at one another. "Good day, if a bit blustery," The leopard said. "By the way it's Paolo. Didn't recognize me did ya?"

"Oh, I'd recognize your anglophilia anywhere!" AWC grinned and patted the kitty on the head.

"Not with my brutish snarl," Paolo said. "And don't even get me started with my amazing waterbending skills."

"I bet. But why, Paolo? Why a snow leopard?"

"I'm smart and rational, but I'm not as honorable as a lion, you see."

"Ok." AWC laughed. "That actually makes a lot of sense. Hey, want to come hunting for Mary-Anne Maneater with me?"

"No time for that. There's been a bad omen in the way the trees sway and the birds laugh. I just heard from Raven the raven." Paolo looked very serious. "There's a new force, a new personage, a new SOMETHING trying to get into the cast of the forest."

"Oh, you mean that guy from Tokio Hotel?" AWC asked, shaking her head. "Yeah I know he's here. He hangs out near my zen pagoda. Isn't he beautiful? Much better than a lawn gnome."

"I'm not talking about the attractive german you have standing in your yard! I mean an actual force. A bad force. One we need to avoid."

"Oh no," AWC groaned. "DON'T TELL ME THERE'S A VILLAIN! VILLAINS MEAN CONFLICT AND CONFLICT MEANS AN ACTUAL STORYLINE! TELL ME the PLOT isn't ACTUALLY THICKENING!!!!"

Mary Anne the Maneater walked by as AWC was kneeling on the ground in despair, throwing her arms up and yelling at the sky. "Just ignore it," she said. "Whatever the force is, it doesn't exist either. It's all in your head, hun."

AWC stood up again and brushed the fallen leaves off her jeans. "Yeah people keep telling me that."

Narrator: Holy repetition! Egads!
AWC: You know, I only really LIKE two tokio hotel songs.
Lemony: Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Oh I was better off with that hatter or those orphans!

"AWC are you okay?" Paolo asked. "I know this is bad news. No one likes plots. But how's your idealism doing?"

"I lost it again..." AWC pouted. "I think it actually ran off with my tao."

Raven floated down from a higher branch. "Well, nevermore," he advised, "you really ought to inform Love Himself."

"I sent him an owl," AWC protested.

"Let me guess. You just complained the whole letter long." Mary-Anne slapped her forehead. "Why, AWC, why?"

"I'm just mad." She said. "Nothing's fair and everything is so glum! Even my rabbit is annoyed with me!"

"Then stop annoying your rabbit..." Paolo said.

Forget me not the fairy poofed out of nowhere with a poof of pink smoke. "Silly AWC, you've forgotten you like 'Love is Dead' by tokio hotel! That makes three songs!"

"She much prefers alice cooper to tokio hotel," Shadow the wolf who thinks he's an owl growled at the fairy as he stalked onto the scene. "This much I know."

"Lies!"

"Truths!"

"Cuz it's nine in the afternoon," AWC was singing. She was extremely distracted by now. "Back to the room where it all began... cus it's nine in the afternoon, your eyes are the size of the moon... hey wait a minute!" She broke from her trance. "Mary-Anne why are you here? You don't believe in idealism."

"Gosh I don't know. Well none of us are really here, are we? You'll wake up soon I imagine." Mary-anne maneater fed a cracker to her maneating purse.

"I see a silver dog," Raven the raven said. "Nevermore. Beware. It's coming this way."

It was true. A silver dog with long shimmering hair was coming from the depths of the trees. It was smiling and showing all its teeth. Its eyes were blue. It looked like a sheltie, only the hair was so long, and it was silver all over.

"I don't want to face that!" AWC cried, "Everyone run! It's got rabies! Run!"

So they all ran. Except for the ones who got rabies.

AWC woke up in her Zen Pagoda with Lemony sleeping soundly on her stomach. "Lemony wake up," she whined. "Lemony..."

"Bad dream again?" He perked up his ears and stared at AWC. "I told you to stay off the musicals but no."

"Lemony I don't know how to end this chapter..." AWC was nervous, and pulled at her hair, as if expecting an answer to tumble out of her head when she did so.

"Easy." He jumped up on the screen and smiled and made a face of adorability and furryosity. "I'm a bunny rabbit!"