Chapter Five. MY NAME IS SALLY

AWC carried the feeble old Silverstream in her arms, into the superstore. It looked something like a really old elf. Her long black hair was tinged with gray and her pale silver face was covered with wrinkles and small scars. Her black ball gown was singed at the tips and worn at the collar and sleeves. She had once been an excellent muse, perfect for all the fiction writing AWC did. Now, however, she was slurring her words whenever she tried to sing, and her voice was hoarse and tired.

"My, you are an old little thing aren't you?" AWC frowned and patted her muse on the forehead. (Speaking of foreheads, AWC's was still adorned with the unicorn horn, and people stopped and stared as she passed). The withered creature tried to sing, and emitted a sad, small chirp.

Three blind rabbits hopped down the sidewalk in a single file line in front of them. They cackled mischieviously.

"There there, the Geek Squad doctors will be able to fix you, I'm sure," AWC said. "Shh, don't try to sing."

"Chirp!"

***

"The Geek Squad doctoors will be able to feex her, I'm shoor of eet." The nurse dude who was standing there was a foreigner, and he spoke so quietly, AWC was having trouble understanding what he was saying.

"How much?" She asked, closing her eyes in anticipation of the intense pain of learning the cost to fix her muse.

"50 bucks for her diagnosis, and then, probably about 120 more to proceed with the operation." The foreigner shook his head.

"This is ludicrous!" AWC pounded her fist on the table. "I've got rights too you know!"

The man just looked at her.

Silverstream coughed.

"You might be interested in a newer model," the man suggested.

AWC frowned down at Silverstream. "Well you are awful large to carry," she said. She turned to the nurse. "But this is my muse, sir... she's been through alot with me..."

"The problem is her throat. She cannot sing loudly the way she is, and the effort is making her singing sound, frankly, terrible. You can buy her a microphone later, and you can still have her around. It would just be too awkward to carry. My suggest is you buy her a microphone, and get a new model to take around WITH you."

AWC shook her head, her steel blue eyes boring into his. After a whole minute of cold staring, she spoke. "You... are heartless..."

"I am Sally!" A young female elvish thing scrambled out from behind a rack of colorful digital photographers. She was wearing a green sundress and she was barefoot. Her eyes were light green, her hair was dark bluegreen, and her skin was silver. "Not Heartless, SALLY."

AWC winced, trying not to give in. "It's... so..."

Sally clasped her tiny hands together, closed her eyes, and sang a ditty about a girl who broke her little bones on the boulders below.

"Cute!" AWC couldn't resist blurting out. "Kawaii! Mignonne! Adorable!"

"Not Cute," Sally stopped singing, "Not Kawiyee, not minyon, not adoble. Sally. Sally Sally Sally!"

The nurse smiled. "Sally is equipped with an inexpensive health care coverage plan, so if she breaks we can set her right for literally nothing!"

"How much?" AWC asked warily.

"All together with health insurance, 230 bucks."

AWC glared at Silverstream. "This is your fault you know," she complained. "how could you do this to me? After I fixed your filing system? You just wanted to settle down so bad you'd make me pay for a microphone and a new portable muse?"

Silverstream smiled and chirped.

"Fine..." AWC said. "Here's your money, you stupid vulture." She paid the nurse.

"Thank you so much, you stupid narwhol." The nurse grinned evilly.

"OK Do you WANT to know how MUCH DAMAGE I can do with my newly aquired weaponage?" AWC growled, pointing to the horn, which was now glowing. "In a certain Narnia book, some dude was gored to death by one of these."

Just then the nurse pulled a chainsaw out of his pocket. "I've heard these can do some 'damage' too..." he laughed evilly.

"HAVE AT THEE!" AWC dropped Silverstream, who chirped indignantly as she fell to the ground and sat there. AWC then started attacking the Geek squad nurse with the unicorn.... um... blade?

Narrator: How many times can I say the word "unicorn horn" without it being redundant?
Sally: Exactly twice, but there have to be four paragraphs in between. You're out of luck.
Silverstream: *coughs* *sputters*
Shadow the angry wolf: I don't even make an appearance in this stupid story! Oh wait...
Bunnies: Meheheheheheh

AWC and the geeksquad nurse did battle. Silverstream sat there staring with wide eyes, while the very excited Sally jumped up and down, first cheering for the random nurse, then cheering for AWC, then cheering for herself, and then repeating.

The doors to the supermart opened wide, and in strode Simon from the Spiderwick Chronicles Movie, who is sometimes referred to as "Jared", or occasionally "August Rush".

"I'm a pacifist," he told the viewers. "And this episode is too violent for the series rating. That means you have to stop fighting." He raised his British hands and the chainsaw disappeared from the nurse's hands, and the horn disappeared from AWC's head.

So the moral of the story is, geek squad will overcharge you... and that's ok, because Freddie Highmore will always be there to save the day with his amazing and limitless powers...

An editor of this blog in an office far away: *looks up from wikipedia article* OH MY GOSH FREDDIE HIGHMORE WAS THE VOICE OF PANTALAIMON IN THE GOLDEN COMPASS? YOU HAVE TO ADD THAT INTO CHAPTER FIVE SOMEHOW!

Narrator: No I won't, that's stupid, the only stuff anyone cared about that he was in was August Rush, and everyone loves to laugh at the spiderwick chronicles. No one cares about his voice acting!

Editor: But the Golden Compass is incredibly controversial and popular, and pantalaimon is a main character...

Narrator: No, it's not going in chapter five at all and that's final. Let me end it where I've ended it, damn you!

Editor: You're fired!

Narrator: You can't fire me, you don't exist!

Editor: Neither do you!

Narrator: Yeah but I was here first. I officially fire you!

Editor: You can't do that!

Narrator: Oh yeah?
Editor: Yeah!
Narrator: Oh yeah?
Editor: Yeah!
Narrator: Oh yeah?

And the sun set far off in the distance, where Freddie Highmore was being all legendary, with Elvis, Robin Hood, and Chuck Norris.