Chapter Thirteen ~ Out of My Mind

AWC and Paolo the foreigner snow leopard strolled down a path less traveled by in the Heavenly Forest, on a bright sunshiney day. They were off to visit Mary-Anne Maneater, whom they were pretty sure was stuck in a tree and being attacked by rogue caterpillars. Naturally, before they could visit, they would have to find and possibly rescue her, so both were heavily armed. Paolo with his claws, fang, and waterbending abilities, and AWC with her shadow's hatchet.

"You know what I was wondering," AWC mentioned after a while of hiking through dense woodland, "was, whatever happened to us at the end of chapter twelve?"

Paolo shrugged. It's not easy to tell when a snow leopard shrugs, but it's not impossible. There's a slink of the shoulders at a different angle than what is generally customary to the species. "No one ever found out because of the unreliable narrator."

"Oh."

They continued onward, until they came to a clearing with a small shiny pond. They sat on two large boulders and investigated what was inside their lunch bags, packed by, well, neither could remember whom.

"Yes!" AWC exclaimed, "Fajitas! Aie!"

"Ramen!" Paolo growled in a satisfied manner. "Sooo good."

"Don't leopards generally enjoy large hunks of raw flesh?" AWC asked, biting into a cheesy fajita.

"Duh. I'm a snow leopard. It's totally different."

"Got it." AWC said with a nod.

"Salutations."

AWC and Paolo watched as the Tome of Superiority began climbing with great care down one of the taller trees of the forest, which was situated about ten feet away from where they sat. It flapped its covers and flew over to sit with them.

"Hi book." AWC looked up briefly and then went back to her lunch.

"Grr," Paolo commented in a friendly way.

"Same to you," the Tome of Superiority said, "and thank you most graciously for the compliment. It seems like a rather quiet day for a mind forest."

"That it is," AWC said solemnly. "Not much has happened since the narrator got ill. She got writers'blockpoxmonia."

"How horrid. Although you'll never guess what I saw when I was in that tree."

"Oh! I know! Tokio Hotel!" AWC shouted.
"No, I've got it! You saw pink elephants on parade!" Paolo exclaimed.
"Wait, no, Luciano Pavoratti!"
"Avatar the last airbender?"
"Prince Edward Island. Coming this way. Am I right?"
"Beanie babies on strike."
"Hordes of rabid monkeys?"
"Psychology today?"
"Cats the musical!"

"Actually no," the Tome of Superiority said. "Although those are very good guesses."

AWC sat there on her rock looking disappointed. Paolo didn't really seem to care very much.

"Ok, ok. If you insist, I'll tell you." The Tome of Superiority cleared his bookish throat. "I saw a giraffe. Which is funny. Because giraffes don't make their habitats in woodlands like these."

"Why, that is odd. I wonder why a giraffe would choose to come to the mind forest. I thought they preffered jungles." AWC scratched her head.

"Giraffes don't live in jungles!" Paolo said, "they live on savannahs or some places like that."

"I think we've got a bigger problem than that though," the Tome of Superiority said with a sigh of boredom. "You were kind of right about the hordes of rabid beasts. These are dogs though. Oh. And they're headed this way. Quickly too."

"Ack! It's running time!" AWC shoved her brown paper lunch bag into the infinite pocket of her hoodie. "Time to run guys!!!"

They made sure to conserve the environment by cleaning their area, like good campers, and then proceeded to calmly run for their lives.

"You've got your hatchet, right?" Paolo yelled out as they ran. "Maybe we could fend them off if it came to it!"

"It's really really hard to fend off infectious disease with a hatchet!" AWC shouted back.

"Oh! Right!" Paolo said.

The Tome of Superiority flew alongside them in its odd hoverry way, making whirring sounds as its pages flipped.

The dogs were right on their tails. Well, they were on Paolo's tail. The Tome of Superiority had no tail. AWC had no tail most of the time, like today. They fled faster than they had ever fled from anything ever in their lives.

Suddenly, the random giraffe strode out directly in front of their paths. AWC and Paolo had no time to stop, but they managed to safely run under the giraffe, who stood very high off the ground. Being a giraffe and all. The Tome of Superiority, however, was not running on the ground but flying in the air, so he unfortunately collided with the yellow and brown spotted beastie and fell to the forest floor in a daze.

"No!" AWC exclaimed, once they realized what happened, "Book!"

Paolo and AWC skidded to a stop, turned 180 degrees, and ran back towards the giraffe.

The dogs had all stopped about seven meters away from the strange nonwoodland creature, and were staring in wide eyed fascination. The Tome was picking itself off the forest floor and was trying to hover. Paolo and AWC raced over, each grabbing one of the Tome's covers, and then running to the nearby bushes where they could hide and watch.

The dogs were beginning to snarl with suspicion.

"I wonder if the silver dog is there," AWC whispered. "Look at poor book! His facts aren't straight!"

"My facts..." the book coughed. "Are as straight... as a coathanger... plenny straight... mleh... you'll never meet straighter facts..."

"Who founded the Heavenly Forest?" AWC asked.

"That giraffe over there... isn't it obvious?"

AWC slapped her forehead. "I don't know if he'll ever be the same again."

"Relax," Paolo said. "He's just dizzy. Woah! Look!"

The giraffe had not moved. It was simply staring there, examining the rabid dogs in a curious manner. "No, I don't really get it," the giraffe said. "Why are you here?"

"We should be asking you!" Yelled a particularly grouchy female.

"Yeah, this is a forest!" Exclaimed another dog. "Not a freakin' savanner."

"Why do you have rabies?" The giraffe asked. "It makes no sense. How should so many dogs get rabies when the rest of the forest is perfectly normal?"

"It's because we're stupid and codependent!" Said one dog. "Obviously. What, are you stupid or something?"

The giraffe blinked. To the relief of AWC and Paolo, the Tome reawakened from his stupor with this statement.

"HAH!" He exclaimed, stumbling out of the bushes. "Stupid and codependant beasts! I pity thee for thy ignorance! Hah! And to think I ran from your foolishness. For fools you are, truthfully, as I live and breathe!"

"Still got your hatchet?" Paolo asked nervously.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, if they all decide to inrabiate him, we can put him out of his misery way easier with that."

"You know? Sometimes I'm just sitting there, kind of like I am now, and I realize that we're all doomed to die. And one of these days I'm going to find out what death feels like." AWC said with a frown.

Narrator: Hah hah hah... no... I swear I'm not drunk. I can DRIVE. Come ON. Gimme my keys. Gimme my keys. That's a good buddy. Yeah. No! Come on! My Keys, man! Ugh! You. And your sister. I hate you. Oh yeah. But readers. Just a thought, here, don't get scared or nothin, but wouldn't it be tooootally rock on if I ended chapter thirteen right there? Heh... *hic*... heh... heh heh heh...

The wolves were tired of being patronized so they turned around and ran away. They didn't really want to deal with a rabid giraffe, because a crazy giraffe could stomp the lot of them to little bits, and they weren't sure if tomes of superiority could even get rabies.

"My name's AWC." AWC said. "This is Paolo the foreigner snowleopard. He used to be a mexican (Italian? Discuss) but then he got turned into a big cat instead. I'm an anonymous writer character. And this is Book."

"The Tome of Superiority!" The Tome specified.

"That's kool." Said the giraffe. "I'm Moe. I'm a giraffe. I rock."

"Awesome," AWC said. A loud beep came from one of her infinite pockets. "Oh. I think Sally wants to meet the newcomer too."

Sally crawled out of AWC's pocket and fell heavily to the forest ground. "Ouch!" She complained. "Hey! You're tall!" She stared up in wonder at the giraffe. "I'm sure I've got a song somewhere about tall people..."

"Is it just me," the Tome asked Paolo quietly, "or is this forest getting rather crowded?"

"We should complain to the narrator..." Paolo said.

Narrator: Heh. Heh... heh... *hic*... wouldn't it be so radically awesome if I just, like, heh, ended the chapter here?