Chapter Seventeen ~ Sing it!!!

Evening had fallen upon the forest, and AWC and a friendly local wallaby were watching the area's talent perform astounding feats. Intermission had just ended, and all the furry woodland creatures were scuffling back to their seats with tofu-dogs and ice cold beverages in paw.



"That's not talent..." the wallaby said. "That's a drunken raccoon." He turned to AWC, who was dancing with her arms raised high over her rabbity ears.



"I love his music," she sighed. "It speaks to me."



"That's what you said about Serj Tankian. And the Fratellis. And Air..."



"Lies!" AWC exclaimed, hands over ears. "Lies spew from his lips like bubblegum toothpaste!"



"OF WHAT DO YOU SPEAK?" The wallaby said indignantly. "My lies taste much better than that!"



"As if," said AWC, turning away dramatically. "Stop ruining this song for me. You whine more than a bitter liberal at a hot dog eating contest. Why can't you guys just accept tradition?"



"Did somebody say bitter liberal?" Paolo pushed through the crowd. "That's my job. Nobody better be taking my job. Unless it's another foreigner. The foreigners can take my job if they want."

"He's right about that though," AWC said nodding vigorously. "Without the cheap foreign labor it would be that much harder to get someone to wallpaper my door."

"Hm... door wallpaper..." the wallaby considered. "I've never thought about it before."

"It gives the allusion of being in a land without time elves or space demons," AWC said. "Total super spacy vortex effect."

"I should hire someone to do that," the wallaby decided.

"I'm available cheap!" Paolo exclaimed.

At that point, several freshman squirrels turned their heads simultaneously and stared.

"Does this remind you..." the wallaby said

"Of the sketchy squirrel - lemurish creeper in the Madagascar film? YES," AWC replied.

"Should we escape?"

"No, diversionary tactics will suffice," AWC kindly corrected.

"What kind of diversion?"

"HEY LOOK! THE WALRUS IS BACK!" AWC's face was overcome with a look of horror. "And she's brought Samara, the blair witch, and that thing from the attic in the Grudge!!!"

None of the squirrels moved or looked remotely frightened.

"Oh CENSORSHIP it's SERJ TANKIAN!" The wallaby pointed at a distant point in the forest and began openly weeping. The squirrels could tell by his good acting skills that something was not correct in the forest way, so they scampered off at top speed back into the abyss.

"Hey!!" AWC shouted after them. "His music speaks to me!"

"Freshmen," Paolo spoke sadly. "They wouldn't understand Serj Tankian. Come to think of it, neither do I. The same goes for the Fratellis. And as for Air..."

"Don't..." AWC glared. "Don't you dare..."

Mary-Anne the maneater and Loretta walked over easily, now that the crowd had dispersed and the clearing was, for the most part, empty. "Did someone say cheap foreign labor?" The dragon lady smiled a fanged smile. "I've been looking for someone to wallpaper my door."

"I've been looking for the president..." Mary-Anne stared off into the distance. "He's missing somehow." At that moment, she recieved a text message. "I have to answer..." she twitched addictedly. "It could be him..."

"Anybody want to put together an intervention?" AWC asked. "I'm sure there's enough people she's in the process of eating who care enough about her to help."

"No, it was only the tortoise," the maneater sighed. "Poor misunderstood sacrastic tortoise."

"I agree, he's a halfway decent tortoise, if ever one lived," Paolo replied, "but what are we intervening with? Her and her phone or her and the president?"

"It's pretty fifty fifty. I think his picture's still her background." Loretta leaned her dragony neck over the maneater's shoulder and checked. "Yep."

"It looks like too much work." AWC shook her head. "I give up. Maybe the president's just a maneater-eater."

"All the local foxes say he's the antichrist," the wallaby said.

"That's just the foxes." Loretta said.

"I like foxes," Paolo said. "They're all red fluffy and robin hoodlike."

"Lost in love and I don't know much..." the maneater sang.

"Woah. That's too much controversy for one forest. Begone!!!" AWC curled up on the ground, arms over her head. "Thoughts! Conflicting! Confusion!"

"We can save her!" the snow leopard said, "I know just how!"

At that moment, a huge mega-ultra-super-big-flat-screen tv glided down from the sky, floating delicately on the purple spotted yellow breeze. The leopard, dragon, and maneater all leapt onto it, with room for more!!!

"Quick! Hop on!" They chorused, "We can watch Miyazaki films and planet earth, and every movie in the clouds of creation!"

"Ok..." AWC got up dazedly, and followed the light.

"Wait? What about me?" The wallaby asked.

"It's your turn to sing," Paolo said. "You have to go to the stage."

The wallaby hopped away, knowing what it was to obey.

The other four flew away on the magic television set, high into the sky where the wind blows swiftly and the happy golden rays of the setting sun sang orange, red and pink ballads about what it is to live and to die.

Far below, Narcissa stared in awe at the flying electronic device. "The glider," she whispered. "The glider is among us once more."