Lemony nodded sympathetically and leaned his head against her knee, falling into a deep, soft sleep.
AWC frowned. "It's so boring today that even my rabbit has fallen asleep. What's up with that?" She gently placed the sleeping lapin on the floor and twirled away across the shiny zen pagoda floor in polka dotted socks. She could see that the window over the kitchen sink was open. "That's odd," she mused, wandering over to close it. "It's snowing... that window shouldn't be open."
THWISHHFFF!!!
A flaming arrow flew through the open window and hit the opposite wall, missing AWC's ears by inches. She could not help but notice there was a note attatched, and the edges were becoming mildly singed. "Egads, no good can come of this..." said she, as the flames began to spread.
"Over here!" AWC's attention was turned to the window, at which the fairy called Forget-me-not did hover. "Catch!" And with that the fairy hurled a Hello Kitty (TM) fire extinguisher that was four times her size at AWC.
AWC stared at the lurid pink metallic fire vanquishing device. "Alright," she said. "But I ordered fries with this. Where are my fries?"
"What? I'm a lawyer! You should have debated the fries issue earlier when fires were being considered. What? Would you forsake your fires for the fries? Then what would become of firefighters? And fryfighters, for that matter. And what of those who fry the fries? Would you take away thousands of jobs from frierfighters across This Great Nation?"
"I'm sorry," AWC said, shaking her head, and wearing a dazed expression. She never could understand anything lawyers had to say.
Frustrated, the fairy flew away.
"I'm sorry..." AWC trailed of dramatically, before aiming the fire extinguisher at the quickly spreading flames, and firing away. "This is why I don't watch Law & Order!!!"
Florence floated down from above and landed in a parrotesque fashion on her shoulder. "I wonder what the note says," AWC pondered.
"I wonder why they can't have just sent it through ME," Florence grumbled in his owly way.
"I'm an excellent messanger."
"Hush you," AWC chided, "You're lucky. Shadow never gets to deliver ANY messages."
"So what? He's a wolf!"
"Shhh!!!"
"I don't get this forest," muttered Florence, shifting his wings and flying away.
Once the fire had, for the most part, been erased, AWC cautiously approached the charred remains of the arrow and unfastened the note. "Great big rocking forest party..." she read aloud, "Be there at five thirty. All characters invited. There will be rice." She paused to ponder. "Well, if there's rice..."
Narrator: Who attends a party for rice? I mean, what is that? Hi, I like you, I enjoy spending time with your... rice?
Raven: NOOOO (*cough* nevermore)
Narrator: What, have a problem with r...
Raven: DON'T SAY IT
Narrator: WHAT? I only said ri...
Raven: No!!!
Narrator: Wait... you're one of those people... those orizaphobics!
Raven: How do you know... about... the disease.....
Narrator: I wikied it.
Raven: ...
Narrator: anyway...
Twenty percent of the woodland creatures appeared at the party on time. Forty percent of the woodland creatures appeared fifteen minutes late. Ten percent arrived early. Twenty nine percent showed up half an hour late.
At six ten, AWC made her barefooted way to the central bonfire in the Heavenly forest, where the party was to be held.
"Welcome friend!" the Dragon lady greeted, soaring up into the sky and breathing fire into the heavens like a many-scaled firework.
"Where's Narcissa?" AWC asked. Narcissa was regularly found with the dragon lady. Dragons and nymphs usually stay together, you see. However, although there were dancing raccoons, the odd sword swallowing beast, and masked turtles in the heat of battle, Narcissa was nowhere to be found.
"Oh, she is most likely writing angst-ridden poetry about photocopiers," Maryanne the Maneater offered.
"Or she's going to surprise us all with dangerous psychological shadows, the better to cause havoc..." Paolo the foreigner snow leopard shook his spotted head. "It's not natural."
"What's not natural is that new flo rida song," AWC corrected.
"Hey! I like it." Paolo pouted, jutting his fangs out to look simultaneously sulky and menacing. "It's groovy, okay?"
The maneater, dragon lady, and AWC stared. "Yeah okay..."
A moment of awkward silence followed, like the koolaid man after we shut him in the walk in freezer.
"It's my birthday," the dragon lady said.
"That's amazing," AWC said. "But my rabbit fell asleep so I forgot to make you a card."
"Happy birthday," Said Paolo, "But I was too busy flying to Nirvana on the wings of spotted moths to purchase for you a gift."
"Congratulations," the maneater said, "But I think I see Narcissa so everyone should probably hide if they don't want to develope multiple personality disorder. I mean, yes, it fits some people very well. Sybil? Made her famous. My cat..."
"Haven't you heard, though?" The tome of Superiority said, "it's called Dissociative identity disorder now."
Narrator: Yeah, he basically came out of nowhere. Don't like it? Deal with it.
"Where did you learn that?" AWC asked.
"That was a clever question, Belinda," the tome replied. "In fact, I wikied it. A wonderful device, wikipedia... almost as valuable as lioncash."
"My name's not Belinda..." AWC said. "My name's..."
"Beatrice! Of course!" The tome of superiority chortled with amusement. "How ever could I have forgotten?"
"It's AWC... don't you care about who I am as a person? Don't you even appreciate the social uniqueity and specialiation of my NAME??" Tears emerged in the corners of her sorrowful eyes.
"Your name is three letters..." The tome shrugged. "I am full of too much knowledge to remember such trivialities. For instance, if you were to ask me to read something you had written? I'd forget. That's just the way it is when you befriend pure genius."
"I knew you wouldn't understand..." AWC said, tossing her long golden hair over one shoulder, and leaving.
In her absence, the maneater, dragon lady, foreigner, and tome stood around awkwardly.
Narrator: My my this is an awkward chapter.
"So... what's her problem?" the maneater asked.
"Err... well... I didn't get her a lemonade. I think that's it." The tome shrugged.
"Ah." The snow leopard nodded. "Yes, I bet that's it. She does enjoy her lemonade."
"Should someone do something?" Loretta asked.
"Nah," Maryanne replied, "She locked her keys in the car. She's not going anywhere. Plus, it's beginning to rain."
"Is it?" The Tome of superiority asked with a gleeful glint in his eye.
Narcissa arrived on the scene, out of breath. "Happy birthday love," she said to the dragon lady, "I'm sorry I'm late. But I've heard the most amazing rumor and I had to spread it 'round, you know?" She chuckled. "You know you love me!"
"Well, what is it then?" Loretta asked, unimpressed.
"Raven's getting married. Tonight! At midnight! By that bonfire!!!" She pointed at the bonfire.
"NO WAY!!!" The others gasped. "To whom???"
"Nobody knows..." Narcissa giggled. "It's all been kept very hush hush. On the DL, if you know what I'm sayin."
"I'm still displeased," the dragon lady said huffily, "even though this is juicy. You were late! And it's my BIRTHDAY!!!"
"Oh, calm down," Narcissa rolled her eyes. "You'll forgive me."
"And why?" Loretta asked.
"I got you Chuck Bass for your birthday."
Narrator: the screaming continued on for a long time afterward, even when all the guests had departed. But meanwhile...
AWC, Shadow the Angry Wolf, Moe the Giraffe, and Jack the theif all sat around a smaller fire, elsewhere in the Humongous Party Arena of Celebration. Tents were being set up, and they were lucky enough to snag spots under one before the rain really hit. AWC was already soaked, however.
"That really was a rotten thing to do to a person," Moe said, shaking his head sadly. "I mean, who invites someone to a party and then forgets their name? It's despicable. It's mean. It's absolutely ludicrously riduculous."
"Yeah I know. I mean, that's almost as bad as not saving somebody a seat at church, a social event, or at one of my amazingalicious plays." Jack snorted. "Horrible. Callous."
"Totally. That's like... oh wait. You're making a big deal out of nothing." Shadow grunted. "Why does no one at this party appreciate football?"
AWC sniffed, choosing to ignore the last comment. "Yeah. And I tried to leave but my car was gone."
Narrator: Somewhere deep in the forest, the tome of superiority was sitting in a cozy armchair next to a telephone, with the phonebook on his lap open to the page of a listing for a local tow truck company. Mad chuckling ensued.
A couple short hours later...
Raven stood in front of the bonfire, a singed note clutched in his wingtips. "Nevermore," he commented wisely. "Well, I don't think I'm late." He pulled a pocketwatch out of his pocket. "Yep. Midnight. Just like it says." He sat down. "I wonder who this secret admirer is..."
"SURPRISE!" Paolo the foreigner snow leopard, Maryanne the Maneater, Loretta the Dragon lady, and Narcissa all came out from their hiding places and began throwing rice merrily at the fellow called Raven. "CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MARRIAGE!!!"
"Nooo!" Raven's eyes grew wide like great big silver dollars. "It can't be! Not! RIICEEEE!!! NEVERMORE!"
He ran away quickly from the heaps of rice being thrown in his direction, but the much too merry partygoers chased him around the laughing bonfire, and did so until the sun came up.
I don't think he's ever going to be the same again.
1 comment:
orizaphobics - lol
Who forgets people's names anyway... :(
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