Chapter Eighteen ~ Happiness is a glue gun

Another day of twisting, curly tendrils of time wrapped tightly around AWC's ankles as she sat in the silence place. "If I had thicker socks I might slip them off," she said to herself inside her brain, "If I had thicker socks and longer hair."


Quietness hung around dangerously. "What a knot I'm in," she explained as the rain began to fall in heavy bouquets. "While the world around is so pretty."

Elton John came and sat down beside her. "You know what movie was good?" He asked.

"What?" AWC asked, looking up at him and knowing that a grain of pure wisdom was on it's way.

"Australia. With Nicole Kidman."

"You're only saying that because you contributed music to the soundtrack," AWC said, "you're just trying to get publicity through my published thoughts." She frowned. "Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"Trying to worm your way into the minds of the nonexistant readers I don't know about!"

"What are you talking about?"

AWC glared. "Get out of my dreams now!"

Elton John grinned. "NEVER! Would you like a cupcake?"

***

"NOOOO!" AWC woke up screaming on the floor of her zen pagoda. The first thing she noticed once she had comforted her terrified pet rabbit was the shadow of a face in the window. She almost dropped the half filled mug of coffee she was holding up to Lemony's rabbity lips, but realized in time that it was only one of the lawn gnome substitutes.

"Stop watching me sleep, Bill!" AWC exclaimed. "It's creepy!"

"But I miss you!" Bill Kaulitz replied. "You never spend hours gazing at my hair anymore."

"I've moved on!" AWC said.

"To whom, Elton John? Yes that's right. I know you dream about Elton John. I heard you sleeptalk!"

"Oh my Oprah! You're even worse than Edward Cullen!" AWC frowned and tsk-tsked. "That kid really wanted to live on my lawn. Then eat me. He said something about me being his own brand of mutton or something. I never really could make sense of anything he said."

"But I'm different!" Bill cried, "you said we'd last forever!"

"Forever turned out to be longer than I thought." AWC shrugged. "Go figure."

A howl resonated from somewhere in the woods around the pagoda. "I could always eat him!" Boomed the voice of Shadow the angry wolf who thinks he's an owl. "He'd never ever bother you ever again. You'd just have to get someone to clean up the pellets after. I can hack up some real gross ones sometimes."

AWC and Lemony wrinkled their noses in disgust simultaneously. "I wonder what he pukes when he thinks he's puking pellets," Lemony whispered.

"Why oh why would you ever ask yourself that question?" AWC mourned. "Masochist rabbit! Those mental images are going to haunt you your entire life!"

"Not really. But the ones of Elton John's muffin will."

"IT WAS A CUPCAKE, OKAY?"

Another howl echoed, closer. "I'm really going to eat him guys!"

"SAVE ME!" Bill Kaulitz hammered on the window with his fists.

"AWC?" Sally wandered into the room and sat on the floor next to Lemony and AWC. "Why's Shadow gotta be so mean all the time? Coldhearted wolves scare me!"

"Now, now, he's not mean," AWC comforted. "Just really, really, really hungry."

"Oh." Sally frowned. "There was something I was supposed to tell you but I forgot."

"I'M REALLY GOING TO EAT HIM!"

"Shadow!" AWC called out, "not today!"

"CAN I EAT HIM TOMORROW?"

"No," AWC said, "Now go clean your pellets up! Go!"

In the window, Bill Kaultiz was smiling confidently, because tears of joy would not have been very manly in that situation and he was afraid for his forest position.

"What do you look so happy about?" AWC said, "I still think we need to take a break. Emo tunes aren't good for me right now."

"But what about my hair?" Bill pouted. "You love my hair."

"Oh, Bill, your hair will always be wonderful. But right now I need time to focus on just me. Understand?"

Bill nodded sadly.

"That was awful nice of you," Lemony said.

"Yeah," AWC replied, then whispered, "I couldn't really bear to lose him."

"Bear! That's what I was supposed to tell you!" Sally slapped her forehead. "Henri is spending the night at Mary-Anne's..."

"NO WAY!" AWC leapt to her feet. "I can't believe this! That maneater is sleeping with my bear AGAIN!"

"Well," Lemony reasoned, "she IS a maneater..."

"Which is why I thought my BEAR would be safe..." AWC growled.

"I think you need to invest in more loyal bears," Sally said.

"Baby come back!" a cheesy song began to play just outside the zen pagoda window. "You can blame it all on me!"

"Bill! I need my space!" AWC yelled as she stomped towards the door.

"RUN, BILL, RUN!" Lemony and Sally chorused.

"Eh, he's not gonna make it," Elton John chuckled.

Narrator: Oh wait. Elton John wasn't there. Quick! *roots through scrapped ideas on several loose pages* I need to find some sort of summary that will adequately fix plot-holes, eliminate all the out-of-character actions by characters, add a character or two in because basically no one was in chapter eighteen...
Paolo: That's not my fault! I was visiting Sakuraville!
Dragon Lady: That's not my fault either! I was visiting St. Anarchy's!
The Tome of Superiority: Nothing can ever be my fault. I'm the tome of Superiority, which clearly indicates, well, my superiority. But anyway, I had a date.
Mary-Anne: I was busy sleeping with Henri!
AWC: GRRRRRRRR
Shadow: I was busy trying on random clothing items at the store and taking pictures of how good they made me look.
Jack: It's a good thing for his self confidence that "good" is all relative!
Forget-me-not: I was forgotten.
Moe: I was watching a film with Zac Efron in it.
Dexter: I was trying to compose a plan with which I would sneakily take Bill's place as lawn gnome substitute <3<3<3 (I like to kill the bad people. And really, his hair is extremely sinister.)
Raven: To be, or not to be? To worship, in one way, or another? Who is Love Himself? More interestingly, WHY is Love Himself? Everyone knows where. Everywhere.
Narrator: You know what? Maybe I should interview Gaara of the Desert for the l.g.s. position.
AWC: Narrator! I can handle my own life!
Narrator: apparently you can't.
AWC: This is SO UNFAIR!!!
Narrator: This is SO off topic...
Bill: Baby come back...